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JeNaKa HaRi InI
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CaLeNder JeNaKa
TaZkIrAh
HaNtaR CeRiTa JenaKa....
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JeNaKa HaRi InI

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Selamat membaca..

Jobs Vacancy @ Jenaka.com

Below are our Rules & Regulations if you wan to work with us :)

SICK DAYS: 
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY: 
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS: 
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS: 
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year.The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, Jan 25, April 25 & Dec.24-25.

YOUR DEATH: 
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE: 
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on.

If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.

In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.

In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK: 
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain thee average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink  a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE: 
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a 600 Gucci bag assume you are doing well financial and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to the Department. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.

Still Interested???

Kisah puteri cair (3 Bintang)

Pada zaman dahulu, ada seorang raja yang memerintah di sebuah negara
atas angin. Baginda mempunyai seorang puteri yang cantik jelita. Malangnya,
baginda kini sedang berduka kerana puteri baginda itu telah mengidap
sejenis penyakit yang amat ganjil sekali. Apa sahaja yang disentuh dengan
tangan oleh puteri tersebut akan menjadi cair. Tak kira kayu, besi, batu,
dan lain-lain lagi, semuanya akan cair apabila disentuh oleh puteri tersebut.

Akibatnya, semua lelaki, tidak kiralah sama ada putera raja atau orang
kebanyakan tidak berani mengahwini puteri itu, walaupun mereka
terpesona dengan kecantikannya. Maka raja merasa amat risau kerana puteri itulah satu-satunya waris tunggal baginda untuk memeritah negara atas angin
itu.

Pada suatu hari, baginda bertanya kepada ahli nujum negara yang bijak
bestari. Ahli nujum itu memberitahu baginda bahawa penyakit tuan puteri
akan sembuh sekiranya puteri itu menyentuh sesuatu yang tidak akan
cair.

Keesokan harinya, raja itu mengumumkan satu pertandingan di mana
sesiapa sahaja di kalangan lelaki yang datang ke istana dan membawa suatu
barang yang tidak cair apabila disentuh oleh puteri baginda, lelaki tersebut
akan dapat berkahwin dengan puterinya dan seterusnya menjadi putera mahkota yang akan mewarisi tahta kerajaan baginda.

Maka, ramai lelaki yang datang membawa pelbagai barangan. Ada yang
membawa besi yang paling berat, ada yang membawa batu paling besar, dan ada pula yang membawa kayu paling keras. Malangnya, semuanya cair apabila disentuh oleh tuan puteri.

Akhirnya, datang tiga orang putera raja dari negara jiran. Putera
pertama membawa sekeping titanium yang didakwa besi yang paling keras di dunia. Tuan puteri menyentuhnya dan besi itu cair! Putera yang kedua pula
membawa seketul batu intan yang didakwa batu paling keras di dunia. Apabila disentuh oleh puteri, batu itu pun cair juga!

Putera terakhir datang dengan penuh senyuman yang meyakinkan dan
membawa bersamanya sebuah karung kecil. Dia menyuruh tuan puteri menadah tangan dan dia menuangkan isi karung itu. Seketul benda sebesar ibu jari jatuh ke tangan tuan puteri itu dan ia tidak cair!!! Ini bermakna penyakitnya sudah sembuh. Raja merasa amat sukacita dan seluruh negara berpesta. Putera yang bertuah itu akhirnya berkahwin dengan tuan puteri dan menjadi putera
mahkota negara itu.

Anda ingin tahu apakah benda sebesar ibu jari yang tidak cair di tangan
tuan puteri itu?

JAWAPANNYA IALAH .... COKLAT M&M's!!! Ia hanya cair di dalam mulut, bukannya di dalam tangan!!! Kah! Kah! Kah!

Erti nama-nama jawa..(3 Bintang)

Pandai tanam bunga, diberikan nama Rosman.

Pandai membaiki kereta, namakan Karman

Average dalam golf, Parman

Pandai dlm penulisan, Suratman

Gagah perkasa, Suparman

Minat kepada muzik, Wakiman

Pandai dan selalu bertanya, Azman (loghat jawa bunyinya Asman)

Pandai buat kuih, Paiman

Pakar jualan, Saliman

Pakar pasal alam sekitar, Jasman

Pandai melukis, tulis sajak, nyanyi lagu, Saniman

Menjadi doktor gigi, Sugiman

Cepat naik pangkat, Yasman

Jadi kaki pukul dan dera orang, Deraman

Berdarah Bengali, Manbai

Pandai buat skim cepat kaya, Pakman (Te' Lo)

Minat muzik Rock, Rokiman

Pakar kunci, Lokman

Baik budi pekertinya, Budiman

ada lagii...


Buat kerja ala kadar -Kadarisman

Suka bagi orang susah-Sukarman

Suka mengada-ngada -Ngadiman

Dua alam -Herman

Kalau yang kuat berlawan - Ultraman

Pandai main daun terup poker - Pokeman

Yang paling BEST pandai pantun - pantunman :)

Let Me Bite Your Breasts (3 Bintang)
 
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He
says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100
dollars?" "Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away. He turns around,runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does."Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again."Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?" So the guy runs
again around the next block and faces her again: "Would let me bite
your breasts for 10,000 dollars?"She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000 dollars eh? Ok, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there" So they go to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them... but no biting. In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah", he replies. "Too expensive."
Phua Chu Kang and Bank Loan (Singapore) (3 Bintang)
 
Phua Chu Kang walked into a bank at World Trade Centre in Singapore
and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going Batam on Business
for two days and needed to borrow $5000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for loan. Chu Kang then handed over the
keys of his Mercedes 320 that was parked on the street in front of the
bank.After everything was checked out, the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee, then drove the Mercedes into the bank's car park and parked it there. Two days later Chu Kang
returned.He repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to Sing $13.07. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked and found that you are a very rich contractor.What puzzled us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" Ah Kang replied:"Aiyah, where else in Singapore can I park my car for 2 days for 13 dollars and with security officers to guard it thrown in?"
Ah Beng & Frens (3 Bintang)
 
Three Frens Ahmed died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body. As he had no family, they called up his two best friends, Ah Beng and Kumar.Ah Beng went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Ah Beng said,
"Wah-lau-eh (that's incredible), he's very barbecued like cha siu (roasted pig). But if you would roll him over, I will tell you if he's my friend Ahmed or not."The mortician rolled the body over. Ah Beng looked at his ass and said, "Heng-ah! (blessful) No-lah, dat is not Ahmed." The mortician was puzzled how he was so sure but he didn't say anything.He went and got Kumar to check the body. Kumar looked closely and said,"Aiyoyo (o my god), it is true he's burnt very bad, but I need you to roll him over and I can confirm if he's my friend, Ahmed."
Again the mortician rolled the body over. Kumar looked down at the ass and said, "Aiyoyo, oh no no, this is definitely not Ahmed." The mortician,unable to suppress his curiosity any longer, said, "Okay, you have to tell me now - how can you and Ah Beng tell for sure this is not Ahmed?" Kumar said, "Well, this Ahmed, he had two assholes." "What?!!" the mortician said in disbelief, "He had two assholes?!!" "Oh yes, everyone in the neighbourhood knows this. Every time the three of us go out, people always say, "Here comes Ahmed with the two assholes'."

Chocolate Mathematics (3 bintang)

This is pretty neat how it works out. DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING
DOWN FIRST.It takes less than a minute.......Work this out as you read.Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would
like to have chocolate. (try for more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

3. Add 5. (for Sunday)

4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator...........

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1752....If
you haven't, add 1751.......

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. You should have a three digit number ...

The first digit of this was your original number (I.e., how many times
you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are ..........YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it IS!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2002) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND
WHILE IT LASTS. IMPRESSIVE, ISN'T IT?

->HaNtaR CeRiTa JeNaKa<-

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Hak Cipta Terpelihara * 2004 email: Jenaka@gmail.com